Work is not just about tasks and deadlines – it is about people. And people bring their history with them. That is why sometimes reactions at work feel bigger than the situation calls for.

Here is the truth:
👉 When I’m hysterical, it’s historical.

That goes for leaders and team members alike. Let us unpack it—and then talk about what to do with it.

Leaders Get Triggered Too

Ever seen (or been) the leader who loses it over a minor issue? Someone turned in a report late or a client presentation had typos. The reaction looks “hysterical,” but the fuel is historical.

Years ago, a mistake cost them credibility. They were raised to believe control = competence. Whatever the root, the past drives the present.

➡️ Example: A leader slams a fist on the table over a missing chart. The real trigger? The memory of being publicly embarrassed early in their career for a sloppy presentation.

Coaching Tip for Leaders:

• Pause & Breathe: Before reacting, ask yourself, “Is this about now—or something old being stirred up?”
• Name the Pattern: Notice when the intensity does not match the moment. That is your clue, it is historical.
• Reframe the Trigger: Instead of blaming the team, explore the old wound: “Why does this push my buttons so hard.”

When Direct Reports Get “Hysterical”

Employees have history too. If they get defensive, shut down, or overreact, chances are they have been here before—just in a different place and time.

➡️ Example: An employee bristles when told to “be more confident.” It looks like resistance, but underneath, they are flashing back to a past boss who mocked them in a meeting.

Coaching Tip for Leaders:

• Stay Curious, Not Critical: Instead of “What’s wrong with them?” ask, “What might be underneath this reaction?”
• Create Safety: Say something like, “I can see this hit a nerve—help me understand what’s coming up for you.”
• Support Reflection: Encourage them to connect the dots between the present and past: “Has something like this happened before that made you feel the same way?

The Payoff

When you realize hysterical = historical, you stop taking things at face value. You:

• Give yourself grace when you are triggered.
• Give others space to unpack what is really going on.
• Build stronger, healthier workplace relationships based on trust and understanding.

Because here is the bottom line: emotional overreactions are not weakness—they are echoes. And the best leaders do not just manage tasks; they help people work through those echoes so everyone can move forward.

Quick Coaching Exercise: 3 Questions to Ask in the Moment.

Next time emotions run hot—yours or theirs—try this:

1. For Yourself: “Is my reaction bigger than the situation? What old story might be fueling this?”
2. For Your Team Member: “What might this remind them of? How can I create space for them to share without judgment?”
3. For the Relationship: “What response will build trust here, not break it?”

Do this, and you will shift from reacting to leading.